When we were young

Do you have close friends during your school time that you are no longer close now?
Terribly, I do.
I had been to a few different high schools and you know things always changed when you are far away from the usuals.
Personally, I have different friends that I go to, for different issues.
And I wish I can give the same attention and time to everyone that I am closed to or used to be closed.

Dear big sis of mine,
I want you to know even though we don't share problems or personal issues anymore, I never once change my feelings to you or love you lesser now. I want you to only know my happy moments, my achievements, my good relationships and things that can only bring happiness back to you. I want you to stop sharing my conflicts, dilemmas and dramas because only God knows how much you have seen it when we were young.

Dear good old friend,
I never once thought I will grow up this broken. I never once thought that "that strong me" is weak day by day. I never once thought I will change. I never once thought of showing this side of me, ever, when we were young.

Dear guidance of light,
You were and always be my great friend. My constant adviser. My happy pill. My soul sister.
You know I wouldn't do something for your birthday at the same time when my father passed away if you are not a someone to me. You know it's because your birthday falls on March that makes me still looking forward to this month.

I still remember, "Aku taknak teman kau buat benda tu sebab aku nak jadi kawan kau dunia akhirat"
I promise you one thing, that I will only let happy things happen in my life, so that is the only thing left to share with you like when we were young.


Happy birthday my star 🦋

Young, dumb & broke

Heyy,
Are you...?
Young ✅
Dumb ✅
Broke ✅

But because you are young, that's why it's okay to be dumb and broke.
If you have done a lot of efforts and it still doesn't work out for you, and then it broke your heart big time, yes you are dumb for not giving up. But I am here to tell you that it is OKAY to be dumb for that. We are still young anyway and this is the time to make a lot of mistakes because;



Whatever dumb mistakes that you have done in the past, learn from it. People will always remember that one mistake you did, and broke your heart again and again, learn to fcuk them. You were young, but as you grow up, learn that you are the one responsible for every mistake you did, every happiness you deserve, every money you earn, every rise you fall for as long as you live.

I know I was too dumb for being too kind to those who don't even care or appreciate, but being broke is worth it. Knowing I have done my best. Believing that I have an interesting story of my young life to tell. Having faith that I will grow up stronger and wiser.



If you are young, dumb and broke, you are just living your life. 🦋

No more sad songs

"I'm beggin', please, don't play no more sad songs"...

But we literally will do the opposite way, playing more sad songs when we are sad. Honestly, that is one of the ways how I deal with sadness. lol So yeah each of us has different way of handling it. This is how I have been doing.

The very first thing is to let it out. Cry as hard as you can. It's hard for people to see me crying, hardly my family itself, ego perhaps haha But I am a crybaby almost everyday crying even to a short advert on fb that I can relate to hahaha
It is okay to let it out, but I always learn that the key of strength is by not showing your weakness. Yes, crying is not a weakness, however I find it kinda weakens me if people see me crying.

The next thing is to boost your spirit back. This is where our tricks differ from each other. I personally feel better with music. Either by listening to my favourite songs depending on the mood or play guitar/ukulele/any musical instrument. I always want to be far from people when I'm sad, so yeah I will go somewhere random and run as fast as I could until I run out of breath. Pretty silly but at least it keeps me fit lol
Most importantly...

Let Go & Let God

The very crucial thing then is to find the people you trust. I may have a lot of friends, good friends and closed ones but I share different things with different people. For instance, for family matters, friend A is the best remedy while study matters find cure with friend B. It is just the way you like their response better than the other.

The final step for now, is to keep getting better to deal with the next sadness. Remember how the previous grief has drown you and now, you want to keep floating. And finally, out of water.



There's always a rainbow after the rain 🦋

Count on me

It's the EFFORT that counts.

Have you ever thought WHY it did NOT work out the way you want it to be after EVERYTHING you have done?
Because it is not the right TIMING yet. Everything that is said to be yours, will be yours. Either now, soon or at a time you least expected. But what is NOT destined to be yours, will not be yours, simply because something BIGGER and BETTER is coming your way.

Should you give up then after all the unpaid efforts?
Effort is NEVER wasted. Let's reminisce those hard times that you have passed, and believe, THIS too shall pass. Let's remember all those efforts being PAID and unexpected fruits that had fallen to you all the way that make you what you are now. It is a WASTE if you give up now after whatever that you have done to reach this level.

Are you starting to hate whatever you are doing now?
Well yes for me. But I have a REASON why I have to keep doing it. (you can refer previous post) Life is not about doing what you like, and sometimes what's best for you might be something that you hate the most.

Why other people always get what they want?
Hmm, would you want someone great as Albert Einstein to be your father or do you see your father as the GREATEST father among all? It is the way you see things and feel ENOUGH. Each of us is different and we are all are fated for different things. Perhaps, they are envying something you think is nothing to have but something really big for them. Happiness is when you are happy with someone else being happy. So let them and let God.

Count your blessings.
You might not get what you want in this world, but little did you know, all the effort that you have given to get what you want, is all counted as a reward in the hereafter.
The fact that it is never wasted, is good enough, isn't it?



You have done your best, I've counted it for you. 🦋

You are the reason

You are the reason.

"Untuk hidup kita perlu bergantung kepada yang tak mati." - Mat Luthfi

Tetapi manusia itu pasti mati. Should there be no more reason then?

Find

The reason why you were born.

The reason why you are still alive.

The reason why you are where you are now.

The reason why you have to continue living.

and Keep.

 

*

Dear first love,

"If I could turn back the clock
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark
I'd spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe" 

- Calum Scott 

(so damn nice song btw)

and because I cannot turn back the clock, that will be my reason for all of the above. I was your reason too. 🦋

Butterfly fly away

Hi,
I revamp my blog, so butsoflies (read:butterfly) just because..

To more emo post HAHA 🦋

Same old love

It has been bloody 3 years... lol
Since someone said I shouldn't get emotional on insta story, so might as well spill out stuff here. Maybe because I find peace in writing. HAHA

So it has been 3 years, and life still gives me lemons instead of apples.
I lost my first love in March 2017.

Do you believe in "first love never dies"?
I never thought that you can still love someone even after a year of no sight, words and touch. In fact love harder. But when he was gone, the love has increased day by day without you realised it. Well, "absence makes the heart grows fonder" right?

Do you know what is the hardest thing about farewell?
It is when there is no goodbye. The next thing you know is he is far away, unreachable. And there is NOTHING you can do without it.

Why do you still continue living?
Well for HIM, and for him.
As much as I wanted to stop doing what I'm doing now because I hate it, I do it for him because he likes it.

Is it gonna work?
I DON'T KNOW. Even after a year, I still don't. But all I want in this life, the reason why I didn't go for zinc phosphide lol is because I want to make him happy. My happiness? Was gone with him.

Nothing changes, except one.
The way you say "I love you".





My first love.
#mencintaimumrphotographer lol

Question of the day:
Why it is so hard to do something for your father while he has done MORE than everything for you?